The Story of Zonks episode script
Scene 1: The Great Lakes City Middle School courtyard Bell Ringing All Students: Wildly Wilbur: "It's a game day, Noah," Lila: "prepare to meet your doom!" Noah: "Don’t make me laugh, Louds, we creamed you guys last year, we'll do it again this year." Jason: “Whoa, man," Shelly: "we're shaking it super good." Connor: "Spare us, Noah," Felicia: "we saw you 7th graders practice." April: "Yeah right," Wilbur: "you guys zonk." Noah: "What was that, Loud?" Lila: "You heard us, Noah," Wilbur: "you guys zonk!" Noah: "That does it, Louds, it's go time!" Olivia: “Hey, chill out, Noah," Julia: "zonk is just Wilbur's word," Olivia: "it doesn't mean anything." Noah: “What the heck are you talking about?” Dean: "You don't know?" Darla: "Wilbur's the 1 who'd never get in super big trouble for cursing," Adam: "'cause of the verb to zonk.” Brian: "It all began back in 5th grade." Flashback sequence to Wilbur, Lila, Jason and Shelly as elementary school 5th grade students........ 5th Grade Wilbur: "We're terribly sorry we got you guys sent to the time out wall," 5th Grade Lila: "every single student knows you’re not supposed to curse in school." 5th Grade Jason: "Hey, we could've repeated it," 5th Grade Shelly: "it's just goof head, that's a classic." 5th Grade Wilbur: "Do you know what we need, you guys?" 5th Grade Lila: "we need a word that'll never get us in super big trouble," 5th Grade Wilbur: "a word that doesn't mean anything," 5th Grade Lila: "that way, when we stub our fingers playing hand ball or spill out root beer in our laps," 5th Grade Jason: "or we could shout without aiming out in front of the wall," 5th Grade Shelly: "awesome, but what's the word?" 5th Grade Wilbur: "It's gotta be something short, nice and meaningless," 5th Grade Lila: "how 'bout sprocket?" 5th Grade Jason: "I think that's a part of a tractor." 5th Grade Wilbur: "Fudge cakes?" 5th Grade Shelly: "That’s some sort of dessert treat." 5th Grade Lila: "Snot?" 5th Grade Jason: "Too revoltin'." 5th Grade Wilbur: "Aw man, this making up stuff zonks." 5th Grade Jason: "Zonks," 5th Grade Shelly: "that's it!" Unseen School Principal: "No more giving stand backs at the time out wall!” End of flashback sequence..... Noah: "So, Loud, you mean, zonks doesn't mean anything?" Wilbur: "You got it, Noah." Noah: "Alright, super thrilling." Bell Ringing Again Noah: "Aw, man, we got so wound up in Loud's story, we missed an entire hour of recess." Wilbur: "This zonks." George Terwilliger grabs Wilbur's right shoulder with his right hand. Wilbur: In Shock George Terwilliger: "What did you just say, Wilbur?!?" Wilbur: "I just said this zonks." George Terwilliger: "That does it, Mr. Foul mouth, it's my office for you, now march!" Wilbur: “But, but, Principal Terwilliger sir, you just don’t understand.” George Terwilliger takes Wilbur to his office. Connor: "You guys, we gotta do something about it," Felicia: "naughty language is an automatic level for detention." Lila: "Oh come on, you guys, how can they possibly punish my twin brother for saying a word that he invented?" Meanwhile in George Terwilliger's office……… George Terwillger: "Now, Wilbur, this is a very serious situation, a very serious situation indeed, we can't allow naughty language in school.” Wilbur: “I know, Principal Terwilliger sir, but I-" George Terwilliger: “You see, Wilbur, naughty language undermines authority, it's part of disrespect and laziness." Wilbur: "But, Principal Terwilliger sir, all I said was-" George Terwilliger: "I know exactly what you said, Wilbur, I can't keep up with you students and your foul mouth slang, but somebody assures me that it's extremely filthy, I got no choice but to give you detention level 8." Wilbur: "Level 8? man, this zonks." George Terwilliger: "Make that level 9, are you prepared to push me any further, Wilbur?" Meanwhile back outside the school courtyard......... Jason: "8:32?" Shelly: "how long are they gonna keep him in there?" Wilbur and George Terwilliger walk around outside. George Terwilliger: "I hope you learned your lesson, Wilbur, please note this, I alerted the entire school district, from now on, your little word is now forbidden." George Terwilliger closes the doors. Edwin: "Were they harsh on you in there, Wilbur?" April: "Did they let you do your homework?" Brian: “or use the young men's washroom?" Wilbur: "Sure, you guys, but a trip to the youg men's washroom came right by back from what they took from me." Olivia: "Well, Wilbur," Julia: "what exactly did they take?" Wilbur: "They took my word, they made it into something ugly and unclean, well, 2 can play that game, or a lot of them." Jason: "What exactly do you mean, Wilbur?" Wilbur: "You guys, I got a plan." Meanwhile at the kick ball field.... Stacy Anderson: "Alright, boys and girls, here's the most fun part, let's name our kick ball teams." Noah: "Well, alright, Coach Anderson, we're gonna be the Wild Cheetahs." Stacy Anderson: "Very clever, Noah, how 'bout you, Jason and Shelly?" Jason: "Look out, Wild Cheetahs," Shelly: "we're the Zonkers.” All Students: Wildly Again Stacy Anderson: Whistle Loudly "Jason, Shelly, that word's off limits, you know that, Principal Terwilliger's office, pronto!" Wilbur: “It’s just begun.” Meanwhile in the school lunchroom........ Felix: “Hi there, Lunch Lady Margret," Chloe: "we'd like the chicken teriyaki, please," Felix: "and a big zonking helping of mashed taters with gravy." George Terwilliger grabs Felix and Chloe's shoulders. Meanwhile in Agnes Johnson's language arts classroom....... Clang! Edwin: "Yow," April: "we zonked our fingers in our desks!" Agnes Johnson: "Edwin, April, oh dear, now I'm gonna need to send the 2 of you to Principal Terwilliger's office." Meanwhile outside on the School courtyard....... Connor: "Yahoo," Felicia: "we're suited for 300 zonks," Connor: "a world's zonk record!" Whistle Blowing Sounds Meanwhile with various 7th grade girls.... 7th Grade Girl Number 1: "This outfit's totally-" Other 7th Grade Girls: "Zonk." Loud Whistle Blowing Sounds Meanwhile back in George Terwilliger's office...... George Terwilliger: “You and your class parrot zonky, you students should be ashamed of yourselves." Janice Robertson shows up. George Terwilliger: "Yikes, Janice, please tell me that those students are here to present me with the greatest principal plaque." Janice Robertson: "No, just some students saying the Z word." George Terwilliger: "I can’t stand it any longer, I haven't got 1 single minute of peacefulness and silence for days, alright, that does it, outta my office, sign your names on the sheet right by the door and get outta here." George Terwilliger: "Who the heck's Zonky Zonkerson? I just-oh forget about it!" George Terwilliger exits his office. George Terwilliger: "That does it, desperate times call for desperate measures." George Terwilliger picks on his blue wireless telephone. Agent Smith's voice on Blue Wireless Telephone: "More advanced special services." George Terwilliger (on blue wireless telephone): "Hello, George Terwilliger here, from Great Lakes City Middle School." Agent Smith's voice on Blue Wireless Telephone: "Yeah? what is it?" George Terwilliger (on blue wireless telephone): "I got a major situation about 1 of my foul apples that just spoiled an entire bunch if you happen to know what I mean, you gotta help me." Agent Smith's voice on Blue Wireless Telephone: "Oh yeah, that's exactly right, alright, we're coming over right away." George Terwilliger (on blue wireless telephone): "You guys are coming over right away? you mean you guys are the cleaners?" Agent Smith's voice on Blue Wireless Telephone: "That's exactly right, if anybody can solve your problem, it's me, and, George, don't use this telephone line again." George Terwilliger hangs up the blue wireless telephone. George Terwilliger: "Let’s go see those little zonkers laugh it off right now." Meanwhile on the school softball field....... Whirring Adam: "Hey, you guys, look," Daisy: "a helicopter," April: "painted with red and blue stripes around it." All Army Agents: "Hut 2, 3, 4, hut 2, 3, 4, hut 2, 3, 4!" Whooshing Agent Smith steps right outta his limousine. George Terwilliger: "Thank goodness you’re here, Agent Smith, now about this foul language situation, I was just thinking we could institute a quarter for use law." Agent Smith: "Show me to your office, George, I would like some honey milk tea and some chocolate fudge cookies on a China plate." George Terwilliger: "But it's not tea time, Agent Smith, it's a super big emergency, it's time to take action!" Agent Smith: "1st honey milk tea, then action." George Terwilliger and Agent Smith go right back to George Terwilliger's office inside the Great Lakes City Middle School building. Connor: “Wait just 1 minute," Felicia: "who the heck was that dude?" George Terwilliger (off screen): "Wilbur!" George Terwilliger: "Somebody wants to see you in my office right now." Back in George Terwilliger's office again Wilbur: "So that's the entire story, Agent Smith, I just made that word up, it doesn't mean anything at all." Agent Smith: "I understand completely, Wilbur, you seem like an assigned well-meaning young man, you don't need to worry about it any longer." Wilbur: “Thanks a bunch, Agent Smith." Wilbur walks around outta George Terwilliger's office. Agent Smith: "George, this Z word's a terrible cancer, it must be removed right away." George Terwilliger: "Removed? is that really serious?" Agent Smith: "Serious? you heard the word zonk." George Terwilliger: “Yes, Agent Smith?" Agent Smith: "Well, zonk began as a replacement for a certain naughty word, but it spreads like wildfire through the entire courtyard and the gym room, today's no longer outstanding for a naughty word, but a full grown naughty word that's not exactly right." George Terwilliger: "I had no idea about it." Agent Smith: "I let that 1 get away from me, George, but I'm not gonna allow that to happen again, the zonk thing ends right now.” George Terwilliger: "Well how exactly do we do that, Agent Smith?" Agent Smith: "By making an example of the Loud twin boy who sparked the fire flames." George Terwilliger: "An example? oh, good idea, good idea, but how exactly can we do it, Agent Smith?" Agent Smith: "It’s already in the works, George." Meanwhile back outside the Great Lakes City Middle School building...... Wilbur: "Boys and Girls of the school courtyard, I spoke to Agent Smith, he assured me this entire thing was a misunderstanding." All Students: Wildly Again Wilbur: "From this day on, no other young kid will ever get in super big trouble for saying the word zonks." Whirring Again Police Guard in Helicopter: "Wilbur Bud Loud, freeze, to others, step away from the Loud twin boy!" Police Guard Number 1: "Wilbur, you're coming with all of us." The Courtroom All students: "Wilbur, Wilbur, Wilbur, Wilbur, Wilbur, Wilbur!" George Terwilliger: "It was then that Wilbur uttered a word so terrible and horrible that I can't bring myself to, offered in those house calls," Agent Smith: "A word super dangerous, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, but if left unchecked, if you think could win its way right into our young kids' minds, eventually causing society to crumble and civilization just as we know to come right to the end." George Terwilliger: "I really like those guys." Agent Smith: "Judge Gunderson, your decision is now clear, make an example of this miscreant, I would expel him with extreme prejudice, that way, no other young kid would ever use this word again!" Judge Gunderson: "The entire courtroom rests before your very eyes.” All City Citizens And Young Kids: Protesting Judge Gunderson: Gavel On Podium Judge Gunderson: “Thanks a bunch, Agent Smith, eloquent, powerful and not just a little bit terrifying." Judge Gunderson: "Wilbur Bud Loud, face for the evidence, I got no other choice but to sentence you to-" Agnes Johnson (off screen): "Stop, wait!" Agnes Johnson: "Judge Gunderson, I got a witness, my old college professor, Dr. Patterson, an official slangologist.” Judge Gunderson: "Slang-o....what?" Agnes Johnson: "Slangologist, Judge Gunderson, Dr. Patterson's an expert on American slang and he's agreed to speak on Wilbur's behalf." Dr. Lawson: "Word up, Agnes, I'm here to layer out streets for the cans." All Students: Again Judge Gunderson: "Very well, Dr. Lawson, uh, proceed." Dr. Lawson walks right over to Wilbur. Dr. Lawson: "Why sure, Judge Gunderson, let me do the bargain, so good." Adam: "What exactly did he say, Daisy?" Daisy: "He said got me, Adam." Dr. Lawson: "Note this, Judge Gunderson, Wilbur was just an intelligent young kid, a real word inventor, you can't punish him for any single word he just invented, the big Z isn't a word which is the crud, this does'’t hold any air or oxygen." Agent Smith: "Judge Gunderson, this young man discussed me to the core, I command his testimony to be speaking for the record and he would be even forced to be moved from the courtroom!" Dr. Lawson: "No, Agent Smith, this guy's beginning to assist me!" Agent Smith: "I bet this young man's even an expert, I question his credential!" Dr. Lawson: "How dare you question my credential, Agent Smith, I spent 12 years studying at the greatest university just to be slandered by the likes of some civil savage!" Agent Smith: "Civil savage?!? why, you crazy joker!" Dr. Lawson: "Cocktail breath!" Agent Smith: "Loud mouth!" Dr. Lawson: "Braniac!" Agent Smith and Dr. Lawson: In Anger Wilbur (voice Off Screen): "STOOOOOOOOOP!" Agent Smith and Dr. Lawson stop shouting and arguing with 1 another. Wilbur: "Judge Gunderson, can I please speak for myself?" Judge Gunderson: "Well, Wilbur, it's quite unusual in those hearings, but so's everything here today, go ahead, Wilbur." WIlbur: “Judge Gunderson, I know Dr. Lawson's trying to help me, but the stuff he's saying the way he speaks, it's from another time, I also get what Agent Smith's trying to say, new words just terrify him, that's all, but the thing is, Judge Gunderson, making up words and stuff is part of what being a young kid's all about, we like to make up names for everything, we're not looking for super big trouble, the fact is, I invented that word to stay outta trouble and now just 'cause some of those naughty words sound naughty, I gotta stay in here today and defend myself, I don't mean to be rude, Judge Gunderson, but if you ask me, this entire thing zonks." Agent Smith: "Young man, how dare you say that word. Judge Gunderson, I tried to keep that naughty word outta the courtroom, but just as you can see, this young boy's got no regard but to-" Judge Gunderson: "Whoa, whoa, wait just 1 minute!" Judge Gunderson: "Agent Smith, what naughty word are we talking about here?” Agent Smith: "Well, the word is zonks, Judge Gunderson." Judge Gunderson: "Zonks? ,are you telling me this entire preceding as though of the word zonks?" Agent Smith: "Ah, yes, Judge Gunderson, that's correct." Judge Gunderson: Uncontrollably Agent Smith: "Judge Gunderson, I wanna know what's hilarious." Judge Gibson: “The word, that’s what’s hilarious, Mr. Lawson, ‘zonks’, it’s a hilarious word!” Agent Smith: "No it’s not, Judge Gunderson, it's shameful, filth, it's meaning use clearly unsafe!" Judge Gunderson: "Doesn’t mean anything unsafe to me, how 'bout you, Agnes? does zonks mean anything unsafe to you?" Agnes Johnson: "Me? no, Judge Gunderson, I think it’s just a clever and creative way to say how unpleasant." Judge Gunderson: "and you, Lisa?" Lisa: "Well, to me, it means something's repellent or offensive, that or bodacious." Judge Gunderson: "and you, Lori?" Lori: "I think it's literally adorable." Leni: "It sounds kinda fancy," Lana: "it sounds like a type of critter to me," Judge Gunderson: "And I think it's super hilarious, anybody who hears foul meaning in this zonks word probably got a foul mind to begin with, the entire courtroom has no control over what goes on inside other people's minds, hard as we try, I therefor find Wilbur Bud Loud, not guilty.” Judge Gunderson: Gavel On Podium Again All Students: Wildly Again Judge Gunderson: "That means you're expected to be in school tomorrow morning, Wilbur.” Bobby Jr.: "It's sort of an entire victory," Jenna: "right, Wilbur?" George Terwilliger: "This zonks." Fade to a black screen..........